I knew that i'm FLAWED

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BRAIN-WASHED.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

You're right. I shouln't be changing. But i can't prove that i'm not changed. Things change, people change. Everything single second passed seemed to go into the history book. In fact, they do. I've been doing some kinda soul-searching these few days, thats why you may find me weird and stuff. That's also the reason why i haven't been posting since the last post that was long long ago. I've been leading a life that was uncertain. I don't know when's the next emotional attack's gonna bomb me, i don't know whether my friends are true.. Experiences do build my one's confidence, but BAD experiences KILL. People are vicious, i wouldn't know when will they show their true self. I'm afraid to ask , what's their real motive. Its really difficult to trust somebody when i've been led to hurt caused by them. People aren't as sensitive as me. They sometimes do stuff without serious thinking or further interpreting those words. But most of the time, i do trust, and i would really wanna trust. I believe that life is miserable when trust is never to be found in my dictionary.

Have i found my true self? I don't know. Perhaps! Thanks to Liu Zhi and Shu Ting. Although you guys think you did nothing that have helped me in finding my true-self. You did! You've have been scraping away my new self (in a good way)... pieces and pieces away without noticing. Okay.

Actually, i don't know why, but i started to become a more lazy person and my standard really plunge. If you ask around, I'm the kind of person who goes after perfect or else I'll be dissatisfied. Its true. But things got worse. Even SMOKING seems alright, or even, perfectly fine! I'm a bio student, i know clearly what's HARMFUL about smoking, but it didn't seem to bother me much. I mixed with smokers, i chat with them, i hang out with them. You know, it's like a WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

My senses were built back by people around me, especially my teachers. Thanks to the amount of work they gave me which kept me busy and off my mind about the BAD stuff. I know what's my goal now. I know what am i gonna pursue. I know what to do. But who can remove the hate of loneliness and sadness in my scar-ed heart?

BRAIN-WASHED.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

You're right. I shouln't be changing. But i can't prove that i'm not changed. Things change, people change. Everything single second passed seemed to go into the history book. In fact, they do. I've been doing some kinda soul-searching these few days, thats why you may find me weird and stuff. That's also the reason why i haven't been posting since the last post that was long long ago. I've been leading a life that was uncertain. I don't know when's the next emotional attack's gonna bomb me, i don't know whether my friends are true.. Experiences do build my one's confidence, but BAD experiences KILL. People are vicious, i wouldn't know when will they show their true self. I'm afraid to ask , what's their real motive. Its really difficult to trust somebody when i've been led to hurt caused by them. People aren't as sensitive as me. They sometimes do stuff without serious thinking or further interpreting those words. But most of the time, i do trust, and i would really wanna trust. I believe that life is miserable when trust is never to be found in my dictionary.

Have i found my true self? I don't know. Perhaps! Thanks to Liu Zhi and Shu Ting. Although you guys think you did nothing that have helped me in finding my true-self. You did! You've have been scraping away my new self (in a good way)... pieces and pieces away without noticing. Okay.

Actually, i don't know why, but i started to become a more lazy person and my standard really plunge. If you ask around, I'm the kind of person who goes after perfect or else I'll be dissatisfied. Its true. But things got worse. Even SMOKING seems alright, or even, perfectly fine! I'm a bio student, i know clearly what's HARMFUL about smoking, but it didn't seem to bother me much. I mixed with smokers, i chat with them, i hang out with them. You know, it's like a WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

My senses were built back by people around me, especially my teachers. Thanks to the amount of work they gave me which kept me busy and off my mind about the BAD stuff. I know what's my goal now. I know what am i gonna pursue. I know what to do. But who can remove the hate of loneliness and sadness in my scar-ed heart?

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