No matter how you'll grow to be, you'll always be the one. Situations are awkward, i can feel that. I've tried. And i'll never stop trying. Because i believe.

给我你的爱，让我背着你去未来。

I thought i was strong, but i was wrong, once again. I didn't expect to see you, though i had you scanning through my brain. But i rather not, to see you walking out of Dom's Piz. I thought i was much stronger than you, but apparently I'm not. That was the place that we had dinner together, the place where our love grew, the place , the place where you gave me your first. I would never want to step into that stall, never in my life unless you hold my hands and walk me in. Only you. Ultimately, i was never something to you. You like her don't you? She's always present when you are. You were there just now because she's there, weren't you? You said hi only when she's beside you, I'm only visible when she's there and transparent when she's not. Sometimes i really ask myself, do i really not matter to you anymore? Then what were we in the past? Are you gonna keep me hanging in the air like that? Or perhaps I'm hanging myself instead of you. Where did the promises went? When did your love fade? What were those false hopes on Sunday? Why did you ask those questions and gave me that kiss when you were unsure whether that's a mistake? Why are you so selfish? Why am i always quarrelling with you? Why am i hesitant to talk to you? Tell me why. Perhaps jealousy is eating into my soul.

You like her, don't you?

I'm gonna start loving work!

Today's kinda fruitful doing work with Mavis though i played and joked alot. THAT TUB OF CREAM COST LESS THAN A DOLLAR. That's the quote for today. It just seems like i'm trying to escape. To escape from imgaes of you, to escape from memories of us. To escape from the presence of you. I've tried. And i've been trying...

Mugging hard.

You know sometimes i asked myself, why. Were our paths really laid by God? Or were we the ones who chose it? Was the nod i made a grieve mistake? You're good, too good for me. Why not just let go? Wouldn't it be better for both of us? You've made me doubt, doubt about you.

Let my heart flow, let my soul swift, let my mind swirl, let the time erase all these, the memories of you ----and me.

It's new. It's shocking. it's unexpected. It's speechless. I'm feeling empty. I'm feeling sad. I'm feeling jealous. I'm feeling-but why should i?

It was planned out, isn't it? You guys are really assholes. I thought you were nice. I thought you were true. I thought you'd really love me. But you betrayed me. I'll never trust you again. What love, what true, what a heart you have.

It seems like i should be rotting in the first place.

In the heat of the fight
I walked away,
Ignoring words that you were saying,
Tryna make me stay.
I said, "This time I've had enough."
And you've called a hundred times,
But I'm not pickin' up.
'Cause I'm so mad, I might tell you that it's over.
But if you look a little closer

I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

Me and my stupid pride
I'm sittin' here, alone.
I'm going through the photographs,
Staring at the phone.
I keep going back over
Things we both said
And I remember the slammin' door,
And all the things that I misread.
So baby you know everything
Tell me why you couldn't see
That when I left I wanted you to
Chase after me? Yeah

I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

And I scream out the window,
"I can't even look at you, I don't need you,"
But I do, I do, I do.
I say, "There's nothing you can say
To make this right again, I mean it,
I mean it"
What I mean is

I said, "Leave," but baby all I want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

With your face, and your beautiful eyes
And the conversation
With the little white lies.
And the faded picture
Of a beautiful night
You carried me from your car
up the stairs
And I broke down cryin'
Was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess,
I need you

I said, "Leave," but baby all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

Should the truth be told?

I thought you were always there, but you aren't. I thought i couldn't forget about you, about us, about our past, but i can't. I thought time heals everything, but it doesn't. You're so close, but yet you're so not. I thought i could bury everything and get it out of my mind as the time passes by, but apparently, the nightmares are still haunting me from time to time. It does, it just did. To you, it maybe just be all over, but was never. Our past was like a fairytale, i did felt like a princess. You held me so high up, yet you crushed me down like nobody ever did. I bet you didn't know it hurts so much. You stabbed my heart, you tore my heart and you've shattered it.

My tears, are they worth it?

Everything's like a bullet train nowadays. School's great, with so many friends around, but homework aren't exactly that 'nice'... It's piling up! Can you see that? :DDDIt's the first time that i can go shopping for a day since school started! Thanks to the superb MARCH HOLIDAYS! And i finally notice i need at leasr 6hrs of sleep! I felt so sleepy when i sleep less than that! OMG! It actually felt so good to do homework with my dearest friends. It's actually something bad, *because we were chionging BIOLOGY homework* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH :D And i really miss all of them. Especially EeHui, Lena, Kenlia, Rebekah, Heather, Crystal, Diana, Hui Qing, Weimei and Si Hui! All those crazy moments in school, the tears, the hardwork, the joy, the fun, the songs, the complains and most importantly, our friendship! I know, I can never go back there as a student, and study as a class with you guys. I have learnt so much more than before... That you are as not important as i think you were... I won't cling you as tight as in the past. I'll let you breathe, i'll let myself survive. We both are facing major exams, and i really hope you'll do well. I'll be there for you, whenever you need me to. We seemed distant, but we aren't.

To my special LAOGONG:
Work is totally chaotic, probably because of the stupid auntie around. Or rather not stupid, but bossy and arrogant. You know i have been working for less than a month yet she treats me like I have been working for a year and scolds me whenever i don't do things that she think is right. For example, i didn't know there was a schedule pasted at the dishwashing area to tell us that what needs to be soak overnight and they're gonna soak the ocha cups tonight. A week or two weeks ago, when the cups at the counter station weren't full, the auntie said something like 你去厨房不会拿 ocha cups 出来的 huh? *I'm like okay la, I go take* Then now when i have learnt to top up ocha cups when it's running out, the auntie said or rather, scolded me: 你不懂今天星期三 leh? 拿 ocha cups 出来做什么?! 等一下又要搬回去?! *I'm like WHAT THE HELL* Seriously la, later not enought cups during dinner time, she will NAG NAG NAG, SCOLD SCOLD SCOLD me saying that i don't know how to top up earlier meh. It's like everything's my fault. :( Laogong, I am sad. You come back Sakae Sushi and save me. 要英雄救美。Then you know something? After she scold me, then she herself go and take the cups to top up. ... STUPID. Hai, enough of that auntie, if not I can write a book about her, naming: THE 100 MOST UNREASONABLE THINGS AN AUNTIE CAN DO. :P

P.S: I hope to meet up with the other 5, including you. The we'll go and eat sakae sushi together, of course, it's not gonna be the Bugis Junction outlet. :) I have sent you the details le. We're gonna meet next friday, on the 8th Jan. :D

Did God plan all of this? Or was it just purely coincidence? I've always thought i could forget all about you, all about us, all about our past but I guess I was lying to myself all along. The answer's out at the very moment you appeared in front of me, that is, i couldn't. It's been a year or rather, two years yet my wound hasn't healed, has it? You most probably knew i was there, right in front of you, but yet you pretended that I wasn't. You don't even feel any hurt, any sadness, do you? WHY?! WHY MUST YOU APPEAR RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?! Why can't you just disappear from my life? Your presence just make me feel worse. You've stabbed me once and isn't it enough? From the moment you've sent the mail, we are no longer friends, we no longer know each other and i no longer have talked to you. It's my fault, isn't it? I shouldn't have gone there. I shouldn't have notice your presence. I shouldn't have lifted up my head...

It's weird, nothing seems right, nothing seems to be true.

My life seems to be hopeful, yet hopeless. My life seems to be full of colours, yet it is dull. People seems to be real, but they're like virtual images. What exactly is life? In my life, people doesn't really appreciate what I've done for them, do they? Sometimes i ask myself, do i actually need to put so much effort in making things perfect? Or rather making perfect things. But i guess that's just me, i can't change who i am, who wants to be born like a perfectionist anyway? I don't. Why are people only interested on what's on the surface and not what's under the surface of a human? Is what's on the surface really more important than what's under the surface?

To you whom I'm referring to, do you even have pride? I do even though you don't. Do you even have basic respect for me? I don't think you do. I told you. I dislike what you're doing right now, but why? Why do you always have to force me to do something that's against my will? Why do you always request those ridiculous stuff from me? What am i to you now? If you think i need to fulfill your wishes, I'm telling you i don't. What are you to me? You're nothing but just like any other stinky perverts out there roaming on the streets. Yeah. I am such a failure. I failed to teach you well. Everything right here right now are like hope of hopeless...

Is a perfect life so difficult to achieve?

You're an IDIOT, seriously.
Your call takes like forever.
I shouldn't have waited for your stupid call,
i shouldn't have trusted that you'll call me.
I waited for you every single call,
but what do i get in the end?
DISAPPOINTMENT,
you idiot.
你们的办事效率差到不行！

It's been never-ending since it started. And I'm tired, I'm really tired to continue our war. I have sleepless nights everyday. What about you? Our problem doesn't really matter to you, does it? Or else how could you sleep so soundly, so calmly every night? Everything has changed, hasn't it? You were so contradicting. And I'm not gonna listen to your lies anymore. You've changed, to a person whom i can't trust anymore. I'm blind and i can't differentiate the truth from the lies. Or are them all lies? I would always imagine the past-our past. But does it really matter much? Cause that's the past and it cannot the our present, our future. You were only anxious when I'm not replying you. Should i just let go? Let go of us? Let go of the past? Let go of your lies? Let go of whatever you've done? Let go of our memories? Let go of the war? Let go of you? Sometimes i really wish i have never met such a person like you... Should i let the shadows of you fade, let the memories of you fad, let the picture of you fade???

I asked myself. Are you the person whom i actually know? A week is enough to change you from the original you to a unreasonable person. It is heart-breaking and disappointing to see you treat me this way. Or are you planning to treat me this way from the very beginning? It's not that i don't trust you. But can you be trusted? Words you're saying now are totally opposites of what you've said when you were overseas. Do you still expect me to have the trust in you when you lied to me? Was it a mistake for not agreeing to what you have requested through the message when you were overseas? Were your feelings real at the very beginning? Are you always so insensitive? Do you even understand what you're doing? Yes, you are ripping my heart into pieces, but i guess it doesn't really matter to you. Right now, what you've ever care is yourself, not me. What selfless love? That's a lie. I never know you would say those hurting words. You said i want to control your life... But look, who wants to control your life? Do i even have the right to do that? All i ever wanted was more of your accompany, is that too much to ask for? Every time you would make the same mistake after you've apologized. Don't you think you should do something about it? Sometimes i just want you to cheer me up, but you just don't understand what I'm looking for. You weren't like that before your trip. You've never said that i was controlling your life, you've never treated me like a trash and you've never not appreciated what I've done for you. Now it's all different. A surprise meant a lie to you. A desire for accompany meant that I'm controlling your life. Your 'didn't mean to hurt' has hurt me deeply. What is happening to you? You would blame me for the mistakes that I've made when you yourself have done the same mistake. How can a guy be so petty? You made me feel that I'm nothing to you, perhaps i ain't important in your eyes. Perhaps, I'm somebody you can 'use' and 'dump'. Perhaps your love doesn't exists. Perhaps you didn't meant what you've said. Perhaps you didn't know that your promises kills...




You are close yet far. It's disappointing knowing that you i aren't important in your eyes. Was the beginning a failure in the very first place? I waited and waited, for your calls and messages, but you never did bother to even contact me. Don't blame me. But you were the one who drifted us apart. A moment you wanted us to be together, but another moment you said it's up to me. What actually am i to you? A piece of trash? Or a piece of jewel? You made me feel like i'm the first one. Are you waiting for the time when i'm gone till you realise how to cherish, be sorry if you're over the limit.

Sometimes, i really don't know what i am to you. I know you mean it, but you just wouldn't want to say it. Is is because you're terrified? Embarrassed? Or you just don't mean it? It's hard to understand your mind. I tend to ask myself, is that the way you treat people? Or only me? You always anger me and you'll use those honey words to cheer me up. You'd always said that you know your mistakes but in fact, you don't. You said you're not a jerk but sometimes you behave like one. Should i believe you? Or should i not? My heart shatters whenever you say those nasty words...

My dear friend,
it's really hard to believe that you're gone. I stood with my mouth agape and my mind just went blank when i received a message saying that you have passed away. How can this happened, i thought. Your death made me realised that you are a very strong and brave person. I adore you for your determination to fight your illnesses and at the same time, taking 'o' levels when you are ill. I know you went through a very tough time, but i can never understand it, unless i experienced it myself. I really do hope that you have read the letter that was specially written for you. You are like a brother and teacher to me. I remembered the times when i feel so helpless in my studies, you're always the person whom i will call for help. You have made me realise that physics, chemistry and a math aren't that difficult actually and I'm really glad that you were always there to guide me along. I also remembered the times that we walked back from school to home together. Your accompany has kept loneliness away from me whenever I'm walking home. We talked about life, people and all the random things that have happened in our lives and these chats have opened up my mind and made me feel that I'm not alone actually. :D I remembered the times when i will approach you when i wanted to discuss questions with somebody. Do you still remember the time when the four of us (Shi Chin, Ee Hui, You and Me) played badminton together? It was really fun to play together with you. You know? I really wish that we could meet up and play badminton or even captain's ball again! :( But i guess i will never have the chance to do so. You are also a person who is very good at Chinese! All the chim chim phrases makes me want to faint. :)

I felt like crying when i am typing this. But i know that you're in heaven, you're with God, our dearest father and i believe that you're doing very well up there with God. Although you are no longer here by my side to teach me physics, chemistry, a math and about life but your soul and spirit will always be in my heart. All the grand memories and times that we've spent will never be forgotten. Rest in peace my dear friend.

Ailing.

STUPID RASINS, STAY OUT OF MY COOKIE!
The clock's tickling! I'm counting the days left to 'o' levels. I'm finally awake, knowing that i do not have much time left.But at the same time, it's 10 more days to my BIRTHDAY! HOOORAY! :D I really look forward to all the wishes and the cake from mom and dad! I'M SWIMMING! OMG! *hits head* I haven't been in the pool for ages. I'm sure it's going to be so so so FUN! And yes, I want to thank you, suhui for inviting me to swim with you! :D And i want to thank my study group! XIANG KANG, JOASH and WESLEY! You guys have been great jokers as well as teachers. :D I had fun studying and i hope that i can continue to study with you guys again! Remember how i screamed when the ***** was approaching! HAHHAHAHAH! You all laughed at me lor! BAD BOYS BAD BOYS! I can't imagine that i can dance on stage! SERIOUSLY, it was my dream to perform on stage! AND YES, it came through! :D I hope all of you love the dance item by the sec 4 prefects (sean, foo xin, ee hui, eileen and ME):D Wish that we can perform again in the future!
A secret: Mrs Lee loves donuts! She can eat 6 at once!

I LOVE YOU PREFECTS! <3>
TODAY WAS MY BEST DAY!
It's the BEST PREFECTS' ROD I've ever had!
THANK YOU PREFECTS! :')

I almost couldn't sleep yesterday, i was so excited about today's ROD. INDEED, I'm amazed and i felt delighted and relief that the Sec 2s and 3s have done their job well. Very good! *THUMBS UP* <3>

It's GREAT! I've never expected to have a NAIL POLISH PAINTING SESSION in class with EEHUI. Arguing going on continuously like "WEIIIIII, I help you piant. EEEYUR, i don't want! LET ME GET SOME FRESH AIR, Hen chou! OOOOIIII, bu ke yi! I want to piant your nails! ERRRR, HAI MEI YOU GAN. Aiya! DENG YI XIA!" :D And then, some of our friends started to join in: XINYING, SIHUI, SUHUI, JAMIE, DEWI, KENLIA! (Seems like alot of people like to paint their nails) :D Including me! OOOOPPPSIE! It's 3! *walk and runs home with EEHUI* .... It's very rush, for sure, with one hour to bathe, change, make-up, pack bag, rush down the stairs and meet EEHUI! Did you know? I'm so weak! With only 3 bags and heels, I can't even walk to school. I walked for 10 steps like a humty dumty before a taxi driver spotted me and hinted: 'Wanna take a ride?'. I of course cannot resist to temptation of sitting a taxi to school! The distance is like a 5 mins walk only! I swear, I'm not as strong as you guys think. Oh yes, I bumped onto the top of the taxi while getting out of it. *OUCH.* But this uncle is nice, he waited for me to pin up my tou fa although we were in the middle of the road! :D

THANK YOU UNCLE. TADA, here comes WANLING! (My LING sister!) :O
EEHUI (CUTE PRINCESS)
KENLIA (ADORABLE PRINCESS)
XINYING (HOT PRINCESS)
I hope i didn't spoil your faces. :D

Walking on the RED CARPET was definitely a memorable one, it makes me think of PREFECTS' INSTALLATION. The time that we wore blazers walking smartly into the hall with all the students there. :D I'm really going to miss it. AH. No confetti this year, but i guess it's good because we need not need to spend time cleaning up! :D I stood with my mouth agape when i saw the differently structured layout of the chairs and tables. Black chairs with shiny Golden ribbons attached to it, purple wrapped tables with cards, lollipops, flowers and candles. That's the theme: A drop of lavender. I'm sure i LOVE IT! <33333>

SEC 3s! Thank you so much for the videos. I know you guys have spent alot of time on the videos and i really appreciate it alot! <3333333>

PHOTO TAKING WAS GREAT! Jumps, formal ones, hang posts 4 and smiles are what is written on the photographs. :D I guess it's the first time in my life that i've taken so many photos within a few hours! And yes, champhange ceromony! :D i've never expected that I'm able to open a champhange bottle with FOO XIN, LIA LIA and EEHUI! :D But we did! :D THANK YOU! Indeed, joining the PB wasn't a wrong decision. :D Or rather, it was never a wrong decision made. So juniors, don't give up! :D You'll know what i'm talking about here when you've reached your destination...

A DROP OF LAVENDER.




THANK YOU LORD! I have found my path, the path leading to victory. All i have to do now is to keep up my momentum. I am going to do my very very best!



Thank you Jaime for your 'BANG BANG BANG' in school! I'm sure that have kept me alive in school! LOVE YOU JAIME! And EeHui! i'm here to tell you never ever give up! I'm always here to help you when you need it. I'm sure all of us INCLUDING you will pass O levels with flying colours. Although school ends at 4/5 or even 6pm, but i guess i'm getting used to it as the days passed. I really know what have to be done and how am i going to achieve my good grades! :DDDDD Thank you My Lord.

WHO UNDERSTANDS? Every night, this feelings just grab hold of me till i lost consciousness.

I never really feel belonged here. Everything here seems so unfamiliar. I am in the middle of nowhere in the forest. You think being the only child is a blessing? I guess not. The loneliness is unbearable. But who can understand? Living in this century, i rather not. How i wish i was never born. The suffering that i've caused, there's nothing i can do to make up for it. You've promised me to watch tv with me, but you've broke your promise . I'm tired.

Yes, stand up and stop crying.

I wished i had never met you. Then things would not have been this way. All the sacrifies that i've made, all the time that i've spent... are really NOT worth it. If you think i'm doing well, i'm not. If you think it's not your fault, you're WRONG. How dare you, how dare you treat me this way and you can still live a good life. WHAT WRONG HAVE I DONE, you tell me. I really loathe the way you treat me. Indeed, i am MAD at you. All your STUPID promises, from the beginning i should have believed that they weren't REAL. To think that you will tutor me, study with me till the end of my o's, how naive i am. REALLY NAIVE. You are the most cruel person in the world. What a dumb i am to believe that you're a really truly nice person. What bullshit words on the wooden pencil. What bullshit letters. What bullshit messages. What empty promises. You're a BIG FAT LIAR that i don't want to see you ever again. If i do, i will act as if i don't know you. And you think it's my fault, NO WAY. You are the one who made my life miserable. Now you've succeeded, happy? You know who you are.

It all begins again.



The Rainbows.
_Inspire_

The Pokadots.
_Inspire_

The Cubes.
_Inspire_

Pocessing art.
_Inspire_

The ultimate collection.
_Inspire_






I did 3 essays today! WOAH. I could have done more, but because i woke up late. Argh. :( And I'm really craving for ruffles (Sour cream and onion flavour)! I cannot have enough of it! And i wanna thank you heather! :D Thank you for helping me so much in my work! :DDDD And i believe mama's rich again, somehow. Maybe she striked lottery! :D These pictures will explain! And Ben, all the best for your exams! Will be keeping you in prayers.

It's only for COOKIE MONSTER to read. If you're not one, please read the other posts. :D



I hesitated for a moment, but nevertheless, i walked into the bar with heavy pounding footsteps after a day of mundane, never-ending work. Ear-splitting and rhythmic music blasted through the black bulky speakers situated at the corners of the room. Glaring, colorful disco lights shone on the hazel brown dance floor and the room was choked with the heavy smell of tobacco.

I strewed my handbag on one of the black-cushioned chair in front of the bar table. I ordered a glass of tequila. At first, I took sip by sip, savoring every sip of the drink, but when problems caught my mind, I went on taking more than a sip each time, hoping that I could ‘blow’ the problems off my mind, like blowing off a speck of dust of the table until they diminished. By the time I was gulping the whole glass of tequila with one breath, a gentleman with broad muscular shoulders, a bulbous nose and a pair almond-shaped eyes stood by me.

He asked if he could sit beside me, I sat motionlessly for a few seconds, but later signaled to him to sit down with a sour grin on my face. I continued to ask for more glasses of tequila whenever I finished the last drop of the previous glass. He did the same too. We chatted as we drank. Without any notice, I started pouring out my problems to him like a pot of soup. He, of course, listened and we giggled with fingers pointing each other for no apparent reason, probably because we are a little drunk.

When I could feel the intense heat emitting from my body, I grabbed my handbag and staggered out of the bar, leaving the gentleman behind with a quizzical look. I stopped by a river. Suddenly, out of nowhere came an arm tugging on my waist. My heart stopped for a moment and I shrieked. I was taken aback and without a second’s consideration, I gave a hard push on the person by the chest. Out of my horror, it was the gentlemen at the bar a moment ago! He went tumbling down into the water with a ‘swoosh’.

To any astonishment, I sobered. My hands quivered and I broke into cold sweat. Images of the man falling into the river kept flashing continuously through my mind as I dashed to the river. There was no sign of struggling, only gentle ripples could be seen. To my utter disbelievement, I was traumatized and I dropped straight on my knees when my body went numb. I whimpered silently.

When a group of boys walked past me with their fingers pointing in my direction, I picked myself up and ran. I ran as fast as I could, hoping that no one would recognize me and my mouth began to mumble 'He killed himself, it was not my fault...' I began to slow down when I arrived at a road, a empty road with no cars around, no people around, not even a single soul. As i panted, i could feel the gentle night breeze caressed my cheeks. I thought i heard footsteps, so out of fear desperation, I ran into the nearby forest and hid. But I never expect that one careless slip would cause my life but it shattered the possibility of me being jailed.

COOKIE MONSTER, please comment okay? I'm yearning to hear your comment. :)



I have been eating lots of chips, candies and coke. Ohmy, i sort of living a AMERICAN life. Watch me grow fat! How i wish that scholl will reopen soon! 10 essays to go! And i'll finish them by this week. And it'll be revision time all the way. Nonetheless, I wanna finish reading my novel. :) Thank you cookie monster for chatting with me all night long and teaching me chemistry! I love you much! <3

Today's inspiration, tomorrow's creation.

'Good morning sir/madam, would you like to make a donation?' :DDDD I think I've spoken that for 5 hours today! It really feels great when you hear people say 'You're welcome!' and when they look at you with the sunshine smile :DDDD! And for the very first time in my life: My tin is 3/4 full! I would really want to fill the whole tin, but time doesn't allow, sadly. :( Okay, I actually did more than just asking people to donate, but made a observation too!

Okay! From what I've observed Let's see how many kinds of people are there:

1. They would pass a coin to their children and guide them to the tin, take a sticker and walk away politely. (That's what my mama did when i was young!)
2. They plead for a coin from their parents to donate.
3. They walk up to you voluntarily to donate and walk away saying a 'You're welcome!'
4. They walk up to you, drop the coin and walk away silently.
5. They can't even be bothered to listen to you and so, they walk away treating you like a trasparent one. (OH MY, Do they even have a heart?)
6. They would shake their head, smile at you and said no. (How cruel, but not as bad as the previous one)
7. They would say that they don't have coins and walk away.
8. They would donate if i approach them, drop a coin and smile.
9. They would donate if i approach them, ask you what is this for and drop a coin.
10. They would donate to me and my friends voluntarily when they walk pass us.
11. They will hestitate whether to donate the $2 and they will decide to donate when you agree to give them 3 stickers.

SEE? They are all singaporeans, can you imagine? :DD





每次听到这首歌，我的泪就会不知不觉的落下来。我就很像回到了从前，回到了当时，回到了当时的感觉。。。我就很象来到了世界的边缘，与现实，事实相隔。想想经过的这一些。的确，我成长了，但，我真的真的很想回到以前。未来是那么渺茫的，我的未来应该这么走，谁能来指导我？我很怀念当时的我们，但，又有谁能了解呢？如果能从新在来，我会选择这条路吗？ 我虽然看起来很正常，有亲爱的家人，有要好的朋友，但是，我的内心深处是多么的孤独，多么彷徨，又有谁能了解呢？人 — 还能被信任吗？我，在人的眼里到底算是什么？我现在好想独自坐在宁静的沙滩上，听一听海浪的声音，吹一吹海风，享受时间停慢脚步的那一刻。。。我累了，我真的累了。

我看不到了镜头，你看不到的镜头。

Am i really a perfectionist? Why do people say i am one? :( Maybe i am. I know i'm fussy. I always get mad when things are not in place, they are dirty and dusty. Especially when things are unorganised. But i'm born with this kind of personality and i cannot change it. I hate it when things doens't go my way and i'm sure others do as well. It becomes a habit when i want everything to be in order. Is having such personality a curse? Or blessing?

Okay. PHEWWWW. Thank God that Balthus' and Li's 'outing' was quite a success. I was worried sick. I'm sorry that i didn't help out much and I've broken my promise. :( I am feeling lousy now. REAL LOUSY. I'm mad at myself. I can't even decide whether to drop or continue studying physics. I know i aren't good at physics. Definitely. But i do know that if i put in ALOT ALOT ALOT of effort, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do well. But the fact is that do i have that much time to pick up physics from the very beginning? :( Or should i just drop it? So that I'll be able to spend more time and concentrate on the other subjects? Formula is just not my type. I NEED A TEACHER, A TUITION TEACHER FOR PHYSICS! I'm in a dilemma, i feel so lost. It is going to be so so so different when i drop physics. It is going to be different, definitely. Will it affect my career in the future? If i do drop it, how would i even know whether i can reach my goal? If i do not drop it, how am i going to start studying? What am i going to do? Is there anybody to guide me? I'm at the verge of crying now...

Where were you when i needed you to be by my side so badly?

TODAY IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR ME. People in school are pissing me off, so are the people at home. :( NOW I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT YOU MEANT BY 'WE'RE DIFFERENT'.

PHEW. Thank God that today's meet the parent session was kinda successful. :D Although its a long day but i managed to pull through it. :DD I'm sorry for forgetting what i've promised on thu (the conversation) D: Now i sense the taste of being forgotten as a friend. I'm sorry. It just slipped out of my mind. My mistake, again. But i'll try, to not forget, try to be a better friend. Although there's alot of homework that is yet to be done, but i'm COPING. Finally. :D I know this is random, but i do wanna thank these people: EeHui, Kenlia, Lena, BXXX (can't say), Ms Neow, Mrs Tan (Miss Leong) for being there beside me and show that they really care about me. :'D At the same time, i felt the taste of being ignored too. I'll just tell myself: They aren't worth it. Just let it go. My shadow may remain in their heart, but it may also be washed away by the evilness of one's heart. I do miss the times, but will we be able to be like the past? It's unlikely for some cases, cause it's difficult to trust, to clear up all the misunderstandings, but i don't believe its impossible.

It's LAKSA day yesterday! :D COOL! I would have eaten my forth bowl if i had the time. Next time i guess i should just order a $4 bowl of laksa! :D HAHAHAHA. With the special formula of 3 drops of chilli with the noodles soaked in spices+coconut milk, it becomes the YUMMY bowl of laksa! :DDD It seems like i'm gonna eat a few more bowls on FRIDAY! I'm looking forward to it. I'm sorry that i've broken my promise, again. But i will really try and sleep early everyday alright?

I'm sad. But who understands?

Thank GOD! Luckily i didn't get scolding for not doing chemistry and chinese. But i'm gonna do it like REAL SOON cause i know i will not be this lucky everytime. :D My heart is full of colours. It is. Now i finally understand what is it, and how hurtful it is, to think that you're always there, but you're not. Looking back at the times, i asked myself. Am i foolish to have wasted so much of my time and effort, in helping out what i thought was worth it? You've proven it.

It is never easy, to go through life my way, the way i want it to be. But i hold on to this believe, i will finally see the light when i persevere through the journey in the dark forest.

I won't forget that fun i had at SYNAPSE 09 (14 March 09). Nothing really makes me regret having to attend this camp! DARE TO ACHIEVE SOMETHING HIGHER (DASH) :D The world is so small! Once again, i'm in the same group as Eleanor (We were in the same group for STOMP camp 2 years ago!), lester and khoo knows Zongren..Hahaha, obviously because they studied in the same school and that LESTER has this elmo pouch! OMG! :D COLLIN's in PR! :D And i saw my korkor (JUSTIN!) My group leader was this cut little boy named NICHOLAS! :D He's really cute! and smart. :D My group members were okay, fun-loving and caring too! There's 2 joels in our team (Lee and Khoo). Not bad huh :P We were very chatty group of people (Dennis, Lee, Khoo, Priscilla, Sophin and ME) :D RARRRRR!

I think we're the only group who did so many rounds of introduction. There's at least 5 rounds! It goes "Fifi, Sec 3, Bartely.. Dennis, Sec 4, ACS barker..." And i haven't mention CHINKIONG! :D Hilarious guy. (Like YiDe) But he left halfway after lunch as he had some activities on in school. :(( We had this FLAG PAINTING SESSION! JAMAICAAAAAAAAA! :D That's my group name! Thanks to NICHOLAS for your brillant idea of searching the picture on the web through your phone! Or else our flag would have been a laughing stock if i painted it wrongly. :D The sense of happiness is there when I see people supporting me when i'm painting, and that's how i found my real soul. After this was a INSPIRATIONAL TALK by prof... Oops, i forgot his name. He's a SINGLISH speaker (with all his lor, hor, la...) :D Lunch was good food. :) There's CHICKEN WING, DRUMSTICK, CABBAGE, RICE and a DRINK that has this unique smell.


IT'S THE AMAZING RACE! We're called out 'SOMEBODY TOOK OUR ICE!' when we couldn't find ours. It's true, indeed somebody took our ice. We had to melt this ice to get our copper coin and green bean and we manage to do it, at least not the last group to set off! :D I think we actually made a din in the bus and the bus was filled with ORANGIES. :D We searched so a long long time before we found the correct destination outside the serangoon mrt exit. I cant exactly rmb all the places we went, so i shall say those which i rmb! :D Next up was Clarke quay! :) We managed to get some Caucasian to pronounce Chinese idioms. :D (they were chim ones, not easy neh) and the most HILARIOUS thing was that i turned into a clown with this hat with red hair, a piece of leopard skin and TWEETY BIRD home-slippers. Ohmytian! I went running around clarke quay like a CLOWN. :D At Justin Lau's station. AHEM, lee you're so heavy, we had a hard time lifting you up! :P Here comes JUROUNG EAST! This water bomb passing game (MOST FUN GAME I'VE EVER HAD, because i played it 2 years ago and my partner was ELEANOR!) HMMMMM. Next up! KARANJI (I almost fell asleep taking the train... its like so so so FAR!) And PRISCILLA's so HAPPY (Cause she don't have to run, SO KAWAII!) HAHAHA! :D Actually, our group was made up of BRAINES ! (i'm not one though.) They could solve the QUIZ on the MRT path in less than 5 MINUTES! :D WE MANAGED TO REACH KARANJI WAR-MEMORIAL WITH POSITION NO.4! YAY! :) Although we weren't first, but the sense of happiness that we've achieved shows that we're really contented. :D


It's always the same kind of feeling at the KWM. It's the kind of sad feeling where you can't do anything about it to relieve those pain that the HEROES have gone through during the war. Nobody will ever understand the kind of FEAR that they went through during the war time. :( For i will always remember, THEY FOUGHT FOR ALL FREE MEN. And there is no reason why anybody should end their lives when our HEROES fought for they survival.


Its MASSS DANCEEEEEE! :D I can't really catch up the dance steps but i do enjoy it. Here it goes " .... 1,2,3,4 DISCO DANCE... DRUM ROLL, LIGHTNING STRIKE.. TOURCHLIGHT, PICK UP LITTER THROW,STEP STEP SWAY SWAY STEP AND KICK.... Cant really remember the sequence and all the steps. :( We had this ball game when its our free time, it started off with Lee, One boy and me! And MORE AND MORE PEOPLE JOINED US! Its like over 10 people in the end. :DDD WOAH. HAHAHA. Thank you LEE for your floorball! :D Or else we wouldn't have the chance to play! :) I really hope i'll be able to attend synapse next year. :D


Here are some photos!





Here's Priscilla, Lee and ME!


The YOOes!



:D:D:D


This is my GROUP-JAMAICA! :D Where's Nicholas?



ME AND PRIS! :D

No matter how you'll grow to be, you'll always be the one. Situations are awkward, i can feel that. I've tried. And i'll never stop trying. Because i believe.

给我你的爱，让我背着你去未来。

I thought i was strong, but i was wrong, once again. I didn't expect to see you, though i had you scanning through my brain. But i rather not, to see you walking out of Dom's Piz. I thought i was much stronger than you, but apparently I'm not. That was the place that we had dinner together, the place where our love grew, the place , the place where you gave me your first. I would never want to step into that stall, never in my life unless you hold my hands and walk me in. Only you. Ultimately, i was never something to you. You like her don't you? She's always present when you are. You were there just now because she's there, weren't you? You said hi only when she's beside you, I'm only visible when she's there and transparent when she's not. Sometimes i really ask myself, do i really not matter to you anymore? Then what were we in the past? Are you gonna keep me hanging in the air like that? Or perhaps I'm hanging myself instead of you. Where did the promises went? When did your love fade? What were those false hopes on Sunday? Why did you ask those questions and gave me that kiss when you were unsure whether that's a mistake? Why are you so selfish? Why am i always quarrelling with you? Why am i hesitant to talk to you? Tell me why. Perhaps jealousy is eating into my soul.

You like her, don't you?

I'm gonna start loving work!

Today's kinda fruitful doing work with Mavis though i played and joked alot. THAT TUB OF CREAM COST LESS THAN A DOLLAR. That's the quote for today. It just seems like i'm trying to escape. To escape from imgaes of you, to escape from memories of us. To escape from the presence of you. I've tried. And i've been trying...

Mugging hard.

You know sometimes i asked myself, why. Were our paths really laid by God? Or were we the ones who chose it? Was the nod i made a grieve mistake? You're good, too good for me. Why not just let go? Wouldn't it be better for both of us? You've made me doubt, doubt about you.

Let my heart flow, let my soul swift, let my mind swirl, let the time erase all these, the memories of you ----and me.

It's new. It's shocking. it's unexpected. It's speechless. I'm feeling empty. I'm feeling sad. I'm feeling jealous. I'm feeling-but why should i?

It was planned out, isn't it? You guys are really assholes. I thought you were nice. I thought you were true. I thought you'd really love me. But you betrayed me. I'll never trust you again. What love, what true, what a heart you have.

It seems like i should be rotting in the first place.

In the heat of the fight
I walked away,
Ignoring words that you were saying,
Tryna make me stay.
I said, "This time I've had enough."
And you've called a hundred times,
But I'm not pickin' up.
'Cause I'm so mad, I might tell you that it's over.
But if you look a little closer

I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

Me and my stupid pride
I'm sittin' here, alone.
I'm going through the photographs,
Staring at the phone.
I keep going back over
Things we both said
And I remember the slammin' door,
And all the things that I misread.
So baby you know everything
Tell me why you couldn't see
That when I left I wanted you to
Chase after me? Yeah

I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

And I scream out the window,
"I can't even look at you, I don't need you,"
But I do, I do, I do.
I say, "There's nothing you can say
To make this right again, I mean it,
I mean it"
What I mean is

I said, "Leave," but baby all I want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

With your face, and your beautiful eyes
And the conversation
With the little white lies.
And the faded picture
Of a beautiful night
You carried me from your car
up the stairs
And I broke down cryin'
Was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess,
I need you

I said, "Leave," but baby all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

Should the truth be told?

I thought you were always there, but you aren't. I thought i couldn't forget about you, about us, about our past, but i can't. I thought time heals everything, but it doesn't. You're so close, but yet you're so not. I thought i could bury everything and get it out of my mind as the time passes by, but apparently, the nightmares are still haunting me from time to time. It does, it just did. To you, it maybe just be all over, but was never. Our past was like a fairytale, i did felt like a princess. You held me so high up, yet you crushed me down like nobody ever did. I bet you didn't know it hurts so much. You stabbed my heart, you tore my heart and you've shattered it.

My tears, are they worth it?

Everything's like a bullet train nowadays. School's great, with so many friends around, but homework aren't exactly that 'nice'... It's piling up! Can you see that? :DDDIt's the first time that i can go shopping for a day since school started! Thanks to the superb MARCH HOLIDAYS! And i finally notice i need at leasr 6hrs of sleep! I felt so sleepy when i sleep less than that! OMG! It actually felt so good to do homework with my dearest friends. It's actually something bad, *because we were chionging BIOLOGY homework* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH :D And i really miss all of them. Especially EeHui, Lena, Kenlia, Rebekah, Heather, Crystal, Diana, Hui Qing, Weimei and Si Hui! All those crazy moments in school, the tears, the hardwork, the joy, the fun, the songs, the complains and most importantly, our friendship! I know, I can never go back there as a student, and study as a class with you guys. I have learnt so much more than before... That you are as not important as i think you were... I won't cling you as tight as in the past. I'll let you breathe, i'll let myself survive. We both are facing major exams, and i really hope you'll do well. I'll be there for you, whenever you need me to. We seemed distant, but we aren't.

To my special LAOGONG:
Work is totally chaotic, probably because of the stupid auntie around. Or rather not stupid, but bossy and arrogant. You know i have been working for less than a month yet she treats me like I have been working for a year and scolds me whenever i don't do things that she think is right. For example, i didn't know there was a schedule pasted at the dishwashing area to tell us that what needs to be soak overnight and they're gonna soak the ocha cups tonight. A week or two weeks ago, when the cups at the counter station weren't full, the auntie said something like 你去厨房不会拿 ocha cups 出来的 huh? *I'm like okay la, I go take* Then now when i have learnt to top up ocha cups when it's running out, the auntie said or rather, scolded me: 你不懂今天星期三 leh? 拿 ocha cups 出来做什么?! 等一下又要搬回去?! *I'm like WHAT THE HELL* Seriously la, later not enought cups during dinner time, she will NAG NAG NAG, SCOLD SCOLD SCOLD me saying that i don't know how to top up earlier meh. It's like everything's my fault. :( Laogong, I am sad. You come back Sakae Sushi and save me. 要英雄救美。Then you know something? After she scold me, then she herself go and take the cups to top up. ... STUPID. Hai, enough of that auntie, if not I can write a book about her, naming: THE 100 MOST UNREASONABLE THINGS AN AUNTIE CAN DO. :P

P.S: I hope to meet up with the other 5, including you. The we'll go and eat sakae sushi together, of course, it's not gonna be the Bugis Junction outlet. :) I have sent you the details le. We're gonna meet next friday, on the 8th Jan. :D

Did God plan all of this? Or was it just purely coincidence? I've always thought i could forget all about you, all about us, all about our past but I guess I was lying to myself all along. The answer's out at the very moment you appeared in front of me, that is, i couldn't. It's been a year or rather, two years yet my wound hasn't healed, has it? You most probably knew i was there, right in front of you, but yet you pretended that I wasn't. You don't even feel any hurt, any sadness, do you? WHY?! WHY MUST YOU APPEAR RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?! Why can't you just disappear from my life? Your presence just make me feel worse. You've stabbed me once and isn't it enough? From the moment you've sent the mail, we are no longer friends, we no longer know each other and i no longer have talked to you. It's my fault, isn't it? I shouldn't have gone there. I shouldn't have notice your presence. I shouldn't have lifted up my head...

It's weird, nothing seems right, nothing seems to be true.

My life seems to be hopeful, yet hopeless. My life seems to be full of colours, yet it is dull. People seems to be real, but they're like virtual images. What exactly is life? In my life, people doesn't really appreciate what I've done for them, do they? Sometimes i ask myself, do i actually need to put so much effort in making things perfect? Or rather making perfect things. But i guess that's just me, i can't change who i am, who wants to be born like a perfectionist anyway? I don't. Why are people only interested on what's on the surface and not what's under the surface of a human? Is what's on the surface really more important than what's under the surface?

To you whom I'm referring to, do you even have pride? I do even though you don't. Do you even have basic respect for me? I don't think you do. I told you. I dislike what you're doing right now, but why? Why do you always have to force me to do something that's against my will? Why do you always request those ridiculous stuff from me? What am i to you now? If you think i need to fulfill your wishes, I'm telling you i don't. What are you to me? You're nothing but just like any other stinky perverts out there roaming on the streets. Yeah. I am such a failure. I failed to teach you well. Everything right here right now are like hope of hopeless...

Is a perfect life so difficult to achieve?

You're an IDIOT, seriously.
Your call takes like forever.
I shouldn't have waited for your stupid call,
i shouldn't have trusted that you'll call me.
I waited for you every single call,
but what do i get in the end?
DISAPPOINTMENT,
you idiot.
你们的办事效率差到不行！

It's been never-ending since it started. And I'm tired, I'm really tired to continue our war. I have sleepless nights everyday. What about you? Our problem doesn't really matter to you, does it? Or else how could you sleep so soundly, so calmly every night? Everything has changed, hasn't it? You were so contradicting. And I'm not gonna listen to your lies anymore. You've changed, to a person whom i can't trust anymore. I'm blind and i can't differentiate the truth from the lies. Or are them all lies? I would always imagine the past-our past. But does it really matter much? Cause that's the past and it cannot the our present, our future. You were only anxious when I'm not replying you. Should i just let go? Let go of us? Let go of the past? Let go of your lies? Let go of whatever you've done? Let go of our memories? Let go of the war? Let go of you? Sometimes i really wish i have never met such a person like you... Should i let the shadows of you fade, let the memories of you fad, let the picture of you fade???

I asked myself. Are you the person whom i actually know? A week is enough to change you from the original you to a unreasonable person. It is heart-breaking and disappointing to see you treat me this way. Or are you planning to treat me this way from the very beginning? It's not that i don't trust you. But can you be trusted? Words you're saying now are totally opposites of what you've said when you were overseas. Do you still expect me to have the trust in you when you lied to me? Was it a mistake for not agreeing to what you have requested through the message when you were overseas? Were your feelings real at the very beginning? Are you always so insensitive? Do you even understand what you're doing? Yes, you are ripping my heart into pieces, but i guess it doesn't really matter to you. Right now, what you've ever care is yourself, not me. What selfless love? That's a lie. I never know you would say those hurting words. You said i want to control your life... But look, who wants to control your life? Do i even have the right to do that? All i ever wanted was more of your accompany, is that too much to ask for? Every time you would make the same mistake after you've apologized. Don't you think you should do something about it? Sometimes i just want you to cheer me up, but you just don't understand what I'm looking for. You weren't like that before your trip. You've never said that i was controlling your life, you've never treated me like a trash and you've never not appreciated what I've done for you. Now it's all different. A surprise meant a lie to you. A desire for accompany meant that I'm controlling your life. Your 'didn't mean to hurt' has hurt me deeply. What is happening to you? You would blame me for the mistakes that I've made when you yourself have done the same mistake. How can a guy be so petty? You made me feel that I'm nothing to you, perhaps i ain't important in your eyes. Perhaps, I'm somebody you can 'use' and 'dump'. Perhaps your love doesn't exists. Perhaps you didn't meant what you've said. Perhaps you didn't know that your promises kills...




You are close yet far. It's disappointing knowing that you i aren't important in your eyes. Was the beginning a failure in the very first place? I waited and waited, for your calls and messages, but you never did bother to even contact me. Don't blame me. But you were the one who drifted us apart. A moment you wanted us to be together, but another moment you said it's up to me. What actually am i to you? A piece of trash? Or a piece of jewel? You made me feel like i'm the first one. Are you waiting for the time when i'm gone till you realise how to cherish, be sorry if you're over the limit.

Sometimes, i really don't know what i am to you. I know you mean it, but you just wouldn't want to say it. Is is because you're terrified? Embarrassed? Or you just don't mean it? It's hard to understand your mind. I tend to ask myself, is that the way you treat people? Or only me? You always anger me and you'll use those honey words to cheer me up. You'd always said that you know your mistakes but in fact, you don't. You said you're not a jerk but sometimes you behave like one. Should i believe you? Or should i not? My heart shatters whenever you say those nasty words...

My dear friend,
it's really hard to believe that you're gone. I stood with my mouth agape and my mind just went blank when i received a message saying that you have passed away. How can this happened, i thought. Your death made me realised that you are a very strong and brave person. I adore you for your determination to fight your illnesses and at the same time, taking 'o' levels when you are ill. I know you went through a very tough time, but i can never understand it, unless i experienced it myself. I really do hope that you have read the letter that was specially written for you. You are like a brother and teacher to me. I remembered the times when i feel so helpless in my studies, you're always the person whom i will call for help. You have made me realise that physics, chemistry and a math aren't that difficult actually and I'm really glad that you were always there to guide me along. I also remembered the times that we walked back from school to home together. Your accompany has kept loneliness away from me whenever I'm walking home. We talked about life, people and all the random things that have happened in our lives and these chats have opened up my mind and made me feel that I'm not alone actually. :D I remembered the times when i will approach you when i wanted to discuss questions with somebody. Do you still remember the time when the four of us (Shi Chin, Ee Hui, You and Me) played badminton together? It was really fun to play together with you. You know? I really wish that we could meet up and play badminton or even captain's ball again! :( But i guess i will never have the chance to do so. You are also a person who is very good at Chinese! All the chim chim phrases makes me want to faint. :)

I felt like crying when i am typing this. But i know that you're in heaven, you're with God, our dearest father and i believe that you're doing very well up there with God. Although you are no longer here by my side to teach me physics, chemistry, a math and about life but your soul and spirit will always be in my heart. All the grand memories and times that we've spent will never be forgotten. Rest in peace my dear friend.

Ailing.

STUPID RASINS, STAY OUT OF MY COOKIE!
The clock's tickling! I'm counting the days left to 'o' levels. I'm finally awake, knowing that i do not have much time left.But at the same time, it's 10 more days to my BIRTHDAY! HOOORAY! :D I really look forward to all the wishes and the cake from mom and dad! I'M SWIMMING! OMG! *hits head* I haven't been in the pool for ages. I'm sure it's going to be so so so FUN! And yes, I want to thank you, suhui for inviting me to swim with you! :D And i want to thank my study group! XIANG KANG, JOASH and WESLEY! You guys have been great jokers as well as teachers. :D I had fun studying and i hope that i can continue to study with you guys again! Remember how i screamed when the ***** was approaching! HAHHAHAHAH! You all laughed at me lor! BAD BOYS BAD BOYS! I can't imagine that i can dance on stage! SERIOUSLY, it was my dream to perform on stage! AND YES, it came through! :D I hope all of you love the dance item by the sec 4 prefects (sean, foo xin, ee hui, eileen and ME):D Wish that we can perform again in the future!
A secret: Mrs Lee loves donuts! She can eat 6 at once!

I LOVE YOU PREFECTS! <3>
TODAY WAS MY BEST DAY!
It's the BEST PREFECTS' ROD I've ever had!
THANK YOU PREFECTS! :')

I almost couldn't sleep yesterday, i was so excited about today's ROD. INDEED, I'm amazed and i felt delighted and relief that the Sec 2s and 3s have done their job well. Very good! *THUMBS UP* <3>

It's GREAT! I've never expected to have a NAIL POLISH PAINTING SESSION in class with EEHUI. Arguing going on continuously like "WEIIIIII, I help you piant. EEEYUR, i don't want! LET ME GET SOME FRESH AIR, Hen chou! OOOOIIII, bu ke yi! I want to piant your nails! ERRRR, HAI MEI YOU GAN. Aiya! DENG YI XIA!" :D And then, some of our friends started to join in: XINYING, SIHUI, SUHUI, JAMIE, DEWI, KENLIA! (Seems like alot of people like to paint their nails) :D Including me! OOOOPPPSIE! It's 3! *walk and runs home with EEHUI* .... It's very rush, for sure, with one hour to bathe, change, make-up, pack bag, rush down the stairs and meet EEHUI! Did you know? I'm so weak! With only 3 bags and heels, I can't even walk to school. I walked for 10 steps like a humty dumty before a taxi driver spotted me and hinted: 'Wanna take a ride?'. I of course cannot resist to temptation of sitting a taxi to school! The distance is like a 5 mins walk only! I swear, I'm not as strong as you guys think. Oh yes, I bumped onto the top of the taxi while getting out of it. *OUCH.* But this uncle is nice, he waited for me to pin up my tou fa although we were in the middle of the road! :D

THANK YOU UNCLE. TADA, here comes WANLING! (My LING sister!) :O
EEHUI (CUTE PRINCESS)
KENLIA (ADORABLE PRINCESS)
XINYING (HOT PRINCESS)
I hope i didn't spoil your faces. :D

Walking on the RED CARPET was definitely a memorable one, it makes me think of PREFECTS' INSTALLATION. The time that we wore blazers walking smartly into the hall with all the students there. :D I'm really going to miss it. AH. No confetti this year, but i guess it's good because we need not need to spend time cleaning up! :D I stood with my mouth agape when i saw the differently structured layout of the chairs and tables. Black chairs with shiny Golden ribbons attached to it, purple wrapped tables with cards, lollipops, flowers and candles. That's the theme: A drop of lavender. I'm sure i LOVE IT! <33333>

SEC 3s! Thank you so much for the videos. I know you guys have spent alot of time on the videos and i really appreciate it alot! <3333333>

PHOTO TAKING WAS GREAT! Jumps, formal ones, hang posts 4 and smiles are what is written on the photographs. :D I guess it's the first time in my life that i've taken so many photos within a few hours! And yes, champhange ceromony! :D i've never expected that I'm able to open a champhange bottle with FOO XIN, LIA LIA and EEHUI! :D But we did! :D THANK YOU! Indeed, joining the PB wasn't a wrong decision. :D Or rather, it was never a wrong decision made. So juniors, don't give up! :D You'll know what i'm talking about here when you've reached your destination...

A DROP OF LAVENDER.




THANK YOU LORD! I have found my path, the path leading to victory. All i have to do now is to keep up my momentum. I am going to do my very very best!



Thank you Jaime for your 'BANG BANG BANG' in school! I'm sure that have kept me alive in school! LOVE YOU JAIME! And EeHui! i'm here to tell you never ever give up! I'm always here to help you when you need it. I'm sure all of us INCLUDING you will pass O levels with flying colours. Although school ends at 4/5 or even 6pm, but i guess i'm getting used to it as the days passed. I really know what have to be done and how am i going to achieve my good grades! :DDDDD Thank you My Lord.

WHO UNDERSTANDS? Every night, this feelings just grab hold of me till i lost consciousness.

I never really feel belonged here. Everything here seems so unfamiliar. I am in the middle of nowhere in the forest. You think being the only child is a blessing? I guess not. The loneliness is unbearable. But who can understand? Living in this century, i rather not. How i wish i was never born. The suffering that i've caused, there's nothing i can do to make up for it. You've promised me to watch tv with me, but you've broke your promise . I'm tired.

Yes, stand up and stop crying.

I wished i had never met you. Then things would not have been this way. All the sacrifies that i've made, all the time that i've spent... are really NOT worth it. If you think i'm doing well, i'm not. If you think it's not your fault, you're WRONG. How dare you, how dare you treat me this way and you can still live a good life. WHAT WRONG HAVE I DONE, you tell me. I really loathe the way you treat me. Indeed, i am MAD at you. All your STUPID promises, from the beginning i should have believed that they weren't REAL. To think that you will tutor me, study with me till the end of my o's, how naive i am. REALLY NAIVE. You are the most cruel person in the world. What a dumb i am to believe that you're a really truly nice person. What bullshit words on the wooden pencil. What bullshit letters. What bullshit messages. What empty promises. You're a BIG FAT LIAR that i don't want to see you ever again. If i do, i will act as if i don't know you. And you think it's my fault, NO WAY. You are the one who made my life miserable. Now you've succeeded, happy? You know who you are.

It all begins again.



The Rainbows.
_Inspire_

The Pokadots.
_Inspire_

The Cubes.
_Inspire_

Pocessing art.
_Inspire_

The ultimate collection.
_Inspire_






I did 3 essays today! WOAH. I could have done more, but because i woke up late. Argh. :( And I'm really craving for ruffles (Sour cream and onion flavour)! I cannot have enough of it! And i wanna thank you heather! :D Thank you for helping me so much in my work! :DDDD And i believe mama's rich again, somehow. Maybe she striked lottery! :D These pictures will explain! And Ben, all the best for your exams! Will be keeping you in prayers.

It's only for COOKIE MONSTER to read. If you're not one, please read the other posts. :D



I hesitated for a moment, but nevertheless, i walked into the bar with heavy pounding footsteps after a day of mundane, never-ending work. Ear-splitting and rhythmic music blasted through the black bulky speakers situated at the corners of the room. Glaring, colorful disco lights shone on the hazel brown dance floor and the room was choked with the heavy smell of tobacco.

I strewed my handbag on one of the black-cushioned chair in front of the bar table. I ordered a glass of tequila. At first, I took sip by sip, savoring every sip of the drink, but when problems caught my mind, I went on taking more than a sip each time, hoping that I could ‘blow’ the problems off my mind, like blowing off a speck of dust of the table until they diminished. By the time I was gulping the whole glass of tequila with one breath, a gentleman with broad muscular shoulders, a bulbous nose and a pair almond-shaped eyes stood by me.

He asked if he could sit beside me, I sat motionlessly for a few seconds, but later signaled to him to sit down with a sour grin on my face. I continued to ask for more glasses of tequila whenever I finished the last drop of the previous glass. He did the same too. We chatted as we drank. Without any notice, I started pouring out my problems to him like a pot of soup. He, of course, listened and we giggled with fingers pointing each other for no apparent reason, probably because we are a little drunk.

When I could feel the intense heat emitting from my body, I grabbed my handbag and staggered out of the bar, leaving the gentleman behind with a quizzical look. I stopped by a river. Suddenly, out of nowhere came an arm tugging on my waist. My heart stopped for a moment and I shrieked. I was taken aback and without a second’s consideration, I gave a hard push on the person by the chest. Out of my horror, it was the gentlemen at the bar a moment ago! He went tumbling down into the water with a ‘swoosh’.

To any astonishment, I sobered. My hands quivered and I broke into cold sweat. Images of the man falling into the river kept flashing continuously through my mind as I dashed to the river. There was no sign of struggling, only gentle ripples could be seen. To my utter disbelievement, I was traumatized and I dropped straight on my knees when my body went numb. I whimpered silently.

When a group of boys walked past me with their fingers pointing in my direction, I picked myself up and ran. I ran as fast as I could, hoping that no one would recognize me and my mouth began to mumble 'He killed himself, it was not my fault...' I began to slow down when I arrived at a road, a empty road with no cars around, no people around, not even a single soul. As i panted, i could feel the gentle night breeze caressed my cheeks. I thought i heard footsteps, so out of fear desperation, I ran into the nearby forest and hid. But I never expect that one careless slip would cause my life but it shattered the possibility of me being jailed.

COOKIE MONSTER, please comment okay? I'm yearning to hear your comment. :)



I have been eating lots of chips, candies and coke. Ohmy, i sort of living a AMERICAN life. Watch me grow fat! How i wish that scholl will reopen soon! 10 essays to go! And i'll finish them by this week. And it'll be revision time all the way. Nonetheless, I wanna finish reading my novel. :) Thank you cookie monster for chatting with me all night long and teaching me chemistry! I love you much! <3

Today's inspiration, tomorrow's creation.

'Good morning sir/madam, would you like to make a donation?' :DDDD I think I've spoken that for 5 hours today! It really feels great when you hear people say 'You're welcome!' and when they look at you with the sunshine smile :DDDD! And for the very first time in my life: My tin is 3/4 full! I would really want to fill the whole tin, but time doesn't allow, sadly. :( Okay, I actually did more than just asking people to donate, but made a observation too!

Okay! From what I've observed Let's see how many kinds of people are there:

1. They would pass a coin to their children and guide them to the tin, take a sticker and walk away politely. (That's what my mama did when i was young!)
2. They plead for a coin from their parents to donate.
3. They walk up to you voluntarily to donate and walk away saying a 'You're welcome!'
4. They walk up to you, drop the coin and walk away silently.
5. They can't even be bothered to listen to you and so, they walk away treating you like a trasparent one. (OH MY, Do they even have a heart?)
6. They would shake their head, smile at you and said no. (How cruel, but not as bad as the previous one)
7. They would say that they don't have coins and walk away.
8. They would donate if i approach them, drop a coin and smile.
9. They would donate if i approach them, ask you what is this for and drop a coin.
10. They would donate to me and my friends voluntarily when they walk pass us.
11. They will hestitate whether to donate the $2 and they will decide to donate when you agree to give them 3 stickers.

SEE? They are all singaporeans, can you imagine? :DD





每次听到这首歌，我的泪就会不知不觉的落下来。我就很像回到了从前，回到了当时，回到了当时的感觉。。。我就很象来到了世界的边缘，与现实，事实相隔。想想经过的这一些。的确，我成长了，但，我真的真的很想回到以前。未来是那么渺茫的，我的未来应该这么走，谁能来指导我？我很怀念当时的我们，但，又有谁能了解呢？如果能从新在来，我会选择这条路吗？ 我虽然看起来很正常，有亲爱的家人，有要好的朋友，但是，我的内心深处是多么的孤独，多么彷徨，又有谁能了解呢？人 — 还能被信任吗？我，在人的眼里到底算是什么？我现在好想独自坐在宁静的沙滩上，听一听海浪的声音，吹一吹海风，享受时间停慢脚步的那一刻。。。我累了，我真的累了。

我看不到了镜头，你看不到的镜头。

Am i really a perfectionist? Why do people say i am one? :( Maybe i am. I know i'm fussy. I always get mad when things are not in place, they are dirty and dusty. Especially when things are unorganised. But i'm born with this kind of personality and i cannot change it. I hate it when things doens't go my way and i'm sure others do as well. It becomes a habit when i want everything to be in order. Is having such personality a curse? Or blessing?

Okay. PHEWWWW. Thank God that Balthus' and Li's 'outing' was quite a success. I was worried sick. I'm sorry that i didn't help out much and I've broken my promise. :( I am feeling lousy now. REAL LOUSY. I'm mad at myself. I can't even decide whether to drop or continue studying physics. I know i aren't good at physics. Definitely. But i do know that if i put in ALOT ALOT ALOT of effort, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do well. But the fact is that do i have that much time to pick up physics from the very beginning? :( Or should i just drop it? So that I'll be able to spend more time and concentrate on the other subjects? Formula is just not my type. I NEED A TEACHER, A TUITION TEACHER FOR PHYSICS! I'm in a dilemma, i feel so lost. It is going to be so so so different when i drop physics. It is going to be different, definitely. Will it affect my career in the future? If i do drop it, how would i even know whether i can reach my goal? If i do not drop it, how am i going to start studying? What am i going to do? Is there anybody to guide me? I'm at the verge of crying now...

Where were you when i needed you to be by my side so badly?

TODAY IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR ME. People in school are pissing me off, so are the people at home. :( NOW I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT YOU MEANT BY 'WE'RE DIFFERENT'.

PHEW. Thank God that today's meet the parent session was kinda successful. :D Although its a long day but i managed to pull through it. :DD I'm sorry for forgetting what i've promised on thu (the conversation) D: Now i sense the taste of being forgotten as a friend. I'm sorry. It just slipped out of my mind. My mistake, again. But i'll try, to not forget, try to be a better friend. Although there's alot of homework that is yet to be done, but i'm COPING. Finally. :D I know this is random, but i do wanna thank these people: EeHui, Kenlia, Lena, BXXX (can't say), Ms Neow, Mrs Tan (Miss Leong) for being there beside me and show that they really care about me. :'D At the same time, i felt the taste of being ignored too. I'll just tell myself: They aren't worth it. Just let it go. My shadow may remain in their heart, but it may also be washed away by the evilness of one's heart. I do miss the times, but will we be able to be like the past? It's unlikely for some cases, cause it's difficult to trust, to clear up all the misunderstandings, but i don't believe its impossible.

It's LAKSA day yesterday! :D COOL! I would have eaten my forth bowl if i had the time. Next time i guess i should just order a $4 bowl of laksa! :D HAHAHAHA. With the special formula of 3 drops of chilli with the noodles soaked in spices+coconut milk, it becomes the YUMMY bowl of laksa! :DDD It seems like i'm gonna eat a few more bowls on FRIDAY! I'm looking forward to it. I'm sorry that i've broken my promise, again. But i will really try and sleep early everyday alright?

I'm sad. But who understands?

Thank GOD! Luckily i didn't get scolding for not doing chemistry and chinese. But i'm gonna do it like REAL SOON cause i know i will not be this lucky everytime. :D My heart is full of colours. It is. Now i finally understand what is it, and how hurtful it is, to think that you're always there, but you're not. Looking back at the times, i asked myself. Am i foolish to have wasted so much of my time and effort, in helping out what i thought was worth it? You've proven it.

It is never easy, to go through life my way, the way i want it to be. But i hold on to this believe, i will finally see the light when i persevere through the journey in the dark forest.

I won't forget that fun i had at SYNAPSE 09 (14 March 09). Nothing really makes me regret having to attend this camp! DARE TO ACHIEVE SOMETHING HIGHER (DASH) :D The world is so small! Once again, i'm in the same group as Eleanor (We were in the same group for STOMP camp 2 years ago!), lester and khoo knows Zongren..Hahaha, obviously because they studied in the same school and that LESTER has this elmo pouch! OMG! :D COLLIN's in PR! :D And i saw my korkor (JUSTIN!) My group leader was this cut little boy named NICHOLAS! :D He's really cute! and smart. :D My group members were okay, fun-loving and caring too! There's 2 joels in our team (Lee and Khoo). Not bad huh :P We were very chatty group of people (Dennis, Lee, Khoo, Priscilla, Sophin and ME) :D RARRRRR!

I think we're the only group who did so many rounds of introduction. There's at least 5 rounds! It goes "Fifi, Sec 3, Bartely.. Dennis, Sec 4, ACS barker..." And i haven't mention CHINKIONG! :D Hilarious guy. (Like YiDe) But he left halfway after lunch as he had some activities on in school. :(( We had this FLAG PAINTING SESSION! JAMAICAAAAAAAAA! :D That's my group name! Thanks to NICHOLAS for your brillant idea of searching the picture on the web through your phone! Or else our flag would have been a laughing stock if i painted it wrongly. :D The sense of happiness is there when I see people supporting me when i'm painting, and that's how i found my real soul. After this was a INSPIRATIONAL TALK by prof... Oops, i forgot his name. He's a SINGLISH speaker (with all his lor, hor, la...) :D Lunch was good food. :) There's CHICKEN WING, DRUMSTICK, CABBAGE, RICE and a DRINK that has this unique smell.


IT'S THE AMAZING RACE! We're called out 'SOMEBODY TOOK OUR ICE!' when we couldn't find ours. It's true, indeed somebody took our ice. We had to melt this ice to get our copper coin and green bean and we manage to do it, at least not the last group to set off! :D I think we actually made a din in the bus and the bus was filled with ORANGIES. :D We searched so a long long time before we found the correct destination outside the serangoon mrt exit. I cant exactly rmb all the places we went, so i shall say those which i rmb! :D Next up was Clarke quay! :) We managed to get some Caucasian to pronounce Chinese idioms. :D (they were chim ones, not easy neh) and the most HILARIOUS thing was that i turned into a clown with this hat with red hair, a piece of leopard skin and TWEETY BIRD home-slippers. Ohmytian! I went running around clarke quay like a CLOWN. :D At Justin Lau's station. AHEM, lee you're so heavy, we had a hard time lifting you up! :P Here comes JUROUNG EAST! This water bomb passing game (MOST FUN GAME I'VE EVER HAD, because i played it 2 years ago and my partner was ELEANOR!) HMMMMM. Next up! KARANJI (I almost fell asleep taking the train... its like so so so FAR!) And PRISCILLA's so HAPPY (Cause she don't have to run, SO KAWAII!) HAHAHA! :D Actually, our group was made up of BRAINES ! (i'm not one though.) They could solve the QUIZ on the MRT path in less than 5 MINUTES! :D WE MANAGED TO REACH KARANJI WAR-MEMORIAL WITH POSITION NO.4! YAY! :) Although we weren't first, but the sense of happiness that we've achieved shows that we're really contented. :D


It's always the same kind of feeling at the KWM. It's the kind of sad feeling where you can't do anything about it to relieve those pain that the HEROES have gone through during the war. Nobody will ever understand the kind of FEAR that they went through during the war time. :( For i will always remember, THEY FOUGHT FOR ALL FREE MEN. And there is no reason why anybody should end their lives when our HEROES fought for they survival.


Its MASSS DANCEEEEEE! :D I can't really catch up the dance steps but i do enjoy it. Here it goes " .... 1,2,3,4 DISCO DANCE... DRUM ROLL, LIGHTNING STRIKE.. TOURCHLIGHT, PICK UP LITTER THROW,STEP STEP SWAY SWAY STEP AND KICK.... Cant really remember the sequence and all the steps. :( We had this ball game when its our free time, it started off with Lee, One boy and me! And MORE AND MORE PEOPLE JOINED US! Its like over 10 people in the end. :DDD WOAH. HAHAHA. Thank you LEE for your floorball! :D Or else we wouldn't have the chance to play! :) I really hope i'll be able to attend synapse next year. :D


Here are some photos!





Here's Priscilla, Lee and ME!


The YOOes!



:D:D:D


This is my GROUP-JAMAICA! :D Where's Nicholas?



ME AND PRIS! :D

ANNA QUACKEE